Some bargains are just not

When my glasses were donated in Kanarra Canyon to the Three Nephites, one of whom apparently needs bifocals by now, someone told me about getting glasses from China for a fraction of the cost. They had me at the words "thirty dollars."

Never mind that navigating the websites took thirty hours, nor that I had to go to my eye doctor for an additional measurement: pupil distance, which is not part of your typical prescription, nor that the real cost was more like sixty dollars. After hitting "submit," I am promised my new specs in two weeks.

I wait the required time and they arrive as promised. One pair one day; one pair the next. Oh, yes, I sprang for two pairs, from two different vendors. The better to see you with, my dear. 

Except that I couldn't see through them. Either pair. Blurry near, blurry far, blurry in the middle-distance. I pull them down on my nose and look at the mountains without them. Better.  I take them completely off and read the words in front of me. No worse. Adjusting doesn't help and "getting used to them" is out of the question.

What could have gone wrong?  China glasses worked fine for Jay, for Will and for Phil, and apparently thousands of other satisfied customers.  

I have a couple of theories:

1. My eyes are really not very bad. It's a small distance between perfect and blurry. In the case of my new glasses, naked eyes work better.

2. The combination of progressive bifocals and a crooked face make fitting difficult. Add astigmatism to the mix, and I really need a living human to figure out the ideal viewing range, or whatever it is they do.

So, DI gets a couple of pairs of unused glasses and I get to pay full price (plus $120 for the experience) to see again. I'm happy to do it. Lesson learned.

........ except I hear that there's a fabulous factory in Logan where you can get trap-door pajamas for practically nothing.........