The Curse of Dysmappia

Grandma Maughan claimed to have a photographic memory. My memory is on the complete other side of the spectrum. But which side that is seems to jump around for me. I might be able to remember details about something that happened if I could just remember the place, and I can't because I have four truths in my head about many of the locations of my life. When we drive out of our "gated community" here on the farm and head toward town I have to wait and see which way Jay turns; then my compass spins around and my landmarks begin to align. It is just so FRUSTRATING!! Our town's main street is aligned north and south (I think) but depending on how we approach it, it might be going east and west. Unless I'm in Utah with the mountains to the east and the lake to the west, please don't confuse me by telling me to turn west. Unless the sun is rising or setting, I have no idea in the world which way west is.

I really think my memory is as good as the next persons': it's just that there are four cardinal directions and I have memories associated with all four for so many places. The Learning Center facing west is only one of the Learning Centers where we hang out here in Chile. When I'm inside, it faces a different direction than when I'm outside. And truthfully, when I analyze it, it really faces north (I asked Jay. It's beyond my skills to "really analyze" it. Tricky little place, don't you think? Multiply that by the dozens of places in my life at any one time and you have some idea of the vertigo I live with.

In Layton when I'd go to the mall I made sure to park in the same parking lot and I would enter the same doors--every time-- so the mall would stay put with Macy's still on the southeast corner and Penny's still on the north. (Please no one tell me that's not where they really are. I'm not sure I could take the heartbreak.) Deseret Book jumped from east to west and Standard Optical might show up on the opposite end of the mall.

I'm not sure I'd have even known about this disability if I hadn't left Cedar City. Cedar and most small southern Utah towns --St. George excepted--are oriented with the mountains and the canyon to the east and Main Street going north and south. My childhood was perfectly ordered with Utah's matching 100 East, Main Street, 100 West configuration with the waffle grid 100 North, Center Street, 100 South intersecting. So perfect. So easy. But things definitely went south from there.

I do everything I can think of to avoid being "turned around" in the new place. Knowing I'm directionally challenged, before a move I study maps and landmarks. I get truly OCD about making sure that the minute we drive into town I know absolutely which direction we're approaching from. I almost chant to my self, "We're going east. Now we're going south. Still going south." It doesn't help.

Some of the places I've been turned around in are: East Edison in Sunnyside. Jay's hometown address. Somehow, in my mind, his street--which is perfectly straight--makes a right turn at Highway 12. Belleville, Illinois--where we lived for 9 years. Clark Air Base in the Philippines--where we lived 5 years. How did that mountain move from the first time we were stationed there to the second?!! Snow Horse Elementary. Yes. I watched them build it; but its fan shaped orientation had me thinking that every one of the outside doors faced east.

I don't know that there's anything that can be done for dysmappia. Nothing I've done seems to help. I don't know of any information about it or really haven't ever talked about it except as a joke. But truly, I would love to figure out how to know where I am in the world--even before I see the sun going down.